Interpersonal Communication Skills

Conceptual Model

Communication is a two-way process in which people transmit (send) and receive;

• ideas
• information
• opinions or
• emotions.

These must be interpreted and reacted on, normally through feedback before the communication process is completed. In the world of business, the aim should be to develop communication patterns, between individuals and groups, that are;

• meaningful
• direct
• open, and
• honest.

A manager conveys information and instructions through communication, either written or verbal. It is therefore a vital link between the manager and his or her team and effective communication is the key to good management. Yet, in reality, it is a very poor link.

We have quoted Drucker above on this issue. If you still have any doubts, just consider the results (Warner (1981)) of two surveys on this subject. According to the first survey, we are all being constantly bombarded with messages, and of around 2000 a day, we will only remember some 65 - hardly a good average.

The other and completely independent survey confirms this very low rate of retention, but goes a step further in looking at the retention for the various means of communication:

• Reading 10% retention
• Hearing 20% retention
• Seeing 30% retention
• Hearing and seeing 50% retention

This study provides a very useful clue to effective communication, and confirms that audio-visual techniques are much better than just audio or visual. Also that writing / reading messages is the least effective way to communicate. There are broadly four components of any communication:

• communicator;
• medium;
• message; and
• recipient.

But we tend to focus attention on only one of the four, the message. The other three components are usually ignored and this leads to a complete breakdown in communications. In the case of international business communications there are additional factors such as language barriers and cultural differences. These can further complicate the picture by distorting the message

Plain talking

A neglected skill? It must be! Since there is even a book (referenced in PDF) by a well-known author on the subject. Just read his 'Plain Talk'. This is a book on plain talk. It tells you how to speak and write so that people understand what you mean.

So, obviously we need to be taught how to talk plain language. Much of the work in business organizations is in teams, say a project team or task force.

Typically, the members of such a team may have backgrounds in accounting, engineering, legal, production and computing. A project team comprising five such professionals are known to behave like five different firms, each concerned with their own world . For example:

• Accountant - presents the analysis in jargon
• Engineer - uses every technical phrase learnt at school
• Lawyer - speaks in Latin

In effect, all at different wavelengths. If the project manager talks in plain words to the team - "anyone who cannot use words understood by a high school student would be kicked off the team". This is bound to have immediate effect and everyone will start talking in plain language.

Words can indeed mean different things to different people. There is, or was, a sign in the Pentagon in Washington that proclaims:

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

Humpty Dumpty explaining his philosophy of life to Alice, says:

"When I use a word", Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean-neither more nor less."

Are we all living in "wonderland"? Those gentlemen at the Pentagon seemed to think so, if the sign above is any indication of their thinking.

Listening

Why all this fuss about listening? Surely, after all that we have said so far on communications, this question ought not to be asked, but we are sure it should be asked, because nobody really listens! It is a vital communication skill, yet it is always being taken for granted that people actually listen and understand.

A survey based on interviews and questionnaire among 400 project engineering personnel proved that nearly 80 per cent of a managers time is spent in face-to-face interpersonal interaction with co-worker. It was found that although the substance of the oral message was important, the style and credibility were the key to the impact of the message on the receiver - a point which we have made earlier in this sub-section.

In another survey, more than three hundred members of the academy of Certified Administrative Managers were asked: "What abilities or competencies do you consider to be the 20 per cent that yields the 80 per cent results?" This 20:80 rule has its origin in the well-known Pareto law, sometimes expressed in the statement, vital few versus trivial many.

The survey led to a consensus amongst twenty critical managerial skills, of which four were rated by the participants as 'super critical', seven as 'highly critical' and nine as 'critical'. The four super-critical activities were found to be, in descending order of importance:

• active listening;
• giving clear effective instructions;
• accepting your share of responsibility;
• identifying the real problem.

Isn't that interesting? All the four super-critical activities relate to communication and of these listening is considered to be the most important.

Listening is big business these days. There are several full-time consultants, and seminar leaders who are occupied entirely, day in, day out, with this one subject.

There is also the International Listening Association, with members from several countries, which aims to promote effective listening through exchange of information, methods, experience and materials and pursuing research on the subject.

Negotiating

This is the title of a set of three articles (referenced in the PDF). The kernel of the advice given is summed up thus:

Good preparation and a proper technique can make sitting down at the negotiating table a pleasant experience from which both parties gain what they want.

This is the so-called 'win-win' rather than a 'win-lose' situation, making negotiation a cooperative effort rather than a competitive process. If and when one of the parties is convinced that there is nothing further to gain, the negotiation process will come to an end.

Another recent book on the subject starts (referenced in the PDF) with what one might think is a most obvious statement:

"Your real world is a giant negotiating table and like it or not, you are a participant."

Life is full of negotiations indeed and managers are constantly involved in these in the course of their normal work. Their success, in fact, depends on how they handle their daily negotiations with their teams, their peers and their top management and a host of other agencies. They could order their team mates around, but the surest way to accomplish their tasks would be to negotiate with them and gently persuade them onwards to their goal. They should be able to negotiate for what they want and on this they should be quite clear. To quote Henry Ford I:

"If you think you can or you cant you're always right."

For negotiation to succeed a manager must first find out what the other side wants and then show them the way that they can get it, whilst they (the manager) are still getting what they want. This is the most satisfactory solution, the 'win-win' equation as noted earlier. It is not always possible, but it is also the only equation acceptable to both parties.

So nothing short of that will really do. In negotiating with people of other nationalities, the manager must take into account the cultural differences between them and also their significant national traits. But above all it will be the personal element that is most important. This applies not only at the top but also at the detailed working level, between the members of the team and their counterparts. It was Sir John Buckley, chairman of the Davy Corporation, who after a round of discussions and negotiations in China remarked:

'... in this business where lots of money is being spent - the customer likes to look the top man in the eye from time to time to say you are going to stand by me, aren't you?'

This kind of feeling cannot be conveyed by telephone or letter. On the subject of contractual negotiations, Sir John also mentioned that Chinese prefer simple and brief contracts. They seem to say that there's nothing in the world you can't get into three pages. If we did not trust you, we would not do business with you.

This is in sharp contrast to the American and European practice of elaborate contracts covering just about everything under the sun, including all eventualities. Sir John implied candidly that, after all, in this field most business is done between consenting adults in private!

Let us conclude this section by two tips (referenced in the PDF) on negotiation. Firstly, never forget the power of your attitude, since nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances. Secondly, never judge the actions and motives of others since it is impossible to look into someone's heart or mind.

There are many books dealing exclusively with the subject of listening and the message running through all of them is simply this: listening is vital yet much neglected. It is a skill that can and must be acquired. They all seek to point the way to perfection, each author having his or her own 'golden rules'. Many of them, of course, are much the same in principle, only expressed in different words. We give you, for your use, the ten rules from a book (referenced) published by the American Management Association:

• Look at the speaker.
• Question the speaker to get clarification.
• Show concern about the speakers feelings.
• Repeat occasionally to confirm.
• Don't rush the speaker.
• Have poise and emotional control.
• Respond with a nod, a smile or a frown.
• Pay close attention.
• Don't interrupt.
• Keep on the subject till the speaker finishes his or her thoughts.

Let us conclude by saying that listening is a gift and a skill that can be learnt and must be learnt and to learn it will not cost you a great deal of money - yet it is priceless to the person to whom you are listening, and the skill is absolutely essential for you, as manager and as individual, both in your professional and your personal life, to be truly effective.

Business communications in the twenty-first century

We were told in a book (Haigh, Gerbner & Byrne (1981)) by this title that the potential of the new communications technology is far-reaching and poses the valid question as to how we can integrate these advances into our lives. Our experience shows that technological progress does not always lead to human progress.

The new tools of communication have as much power to alienate people as to bring them together. In fact the former would result from the 'Don't commute- communicate' prediction (Clarke (1978)). There will be no more of the 'huddling' or the 'manage by walking around'.

Conclusions

Hear with your ears, listen with your mind

Communications are vital in management; in fact, they are the essence of management. We have shown that our communications skills are poor, and the poorest of these is listening. Managers spend a great deal, over half, of their time listening, or at least hearing, and yet they have never had any formal training in this discipline.

Any wonder, then, that the listening efficiency is very low-of the order of 25 per cent. Negotiation is also what management is about, so we discuss this in order to achieve the 'win-win' situation. Some of the recent works on 'huddling' and 'manage by walking around' have been found to be most effective in business situations.

A complete revolution in communication technology has and is still under way, but while it is making a most useful contribution, there is an urgent need to stay with the 'basics' of human nature vis-a-vis communications.